Tuesday, December 26, 2006


On Christmas Day, Los Bebes came to see what Santa left them at Grandma's house:

Because Baby Nima is teething, I didn't get the turkey stuffed and into the oven until late--Nima was crying and chewing on my collarbone much of the afternoon. So dinner was Gerber's Organics for him and side dishes for us while the turkey and orange cranberry stuffing roasted away.

Princess Munai was happy with her toy puppy, fairy dolls and a red cardinal Audobon bird that chirps, among other goodies.

The best gift she gave me was when she chatted away in big girl talk about Christmas Eve and Santa and her dreams.

Since her parents split up, she's been talking in baby talk and a mysterious "secret" language which I call Fairy Talk. She's finally communicating freely again. In words that her Daddy and I can understand.

The baby, when not teething, is crawling everywhere and getting into everything possible. Everything normal there.

All of this activity opens up great communication between my son and myself about his own childhood. Which it should.

After the overnight on Saturday and the Christmas Day festivities, I slept for 13 hours.

Now time for New Year's resolutions. During this holiday weekend, my usual news addiction was shut down. Time to tune back in, as desperate as the news is these days.

Tonight going with friends to see "Children of Men", with Clive Owen (my favorite actor), written by P.D. James, one of my favorite writers.

Monday, December 18, 2006


Went to see the Gee's Bend Quilters' exhibition at the DeYoung Museum in SF.

My favorites:

The new De Young is mind-boggling. I wish I'd had more time.

Saturday night I had Los Bebes and it was freezing cold in my unheated bedroom. Baby boy and I moved into the living room where we cuddled up on the kids' couch donated by Grandma Harriet. I have definite ideas for quilts now ... and plenty of fabric to work with. The Gee's Bend ladies were strong and fearless in their work, as well as their lives.

Sunday, December 03, 2006


I was just notified that my application for a transfer within my department was turned down because I have a "bad attitude". In short, when I think a management decision isn't a very good one, I say so (diplomatically, of course). I also make a lot of suggestions to management. And a few times have made very clear to management that I think we (the front line) are not being treated very well.

As a coworker succinctly put it: "It's not your work that holds you back, it's your mouth."

And I can accept that. After all, this is a free country and I believe in the First Amendment. Others around me also believe in it as long as they aren't being criticized or called to take responsibility.

So I'm good enough to do the shit work, but not good enough (in attitude) for an easier job. And this is civil service. Corporations are even worse. No, I take that back; they are about the same.

You can outwork everyone, have few or no absences for months, accept responsibility for your errors. That won't outweigh coworkers who take lots of time off, talk more on the phone with friends than with customers, and do little work but smile and tell management how well they're doing, even as the place dissolves in chaos.

I know this, but have never been able to accept it. SO the only answer is to start my own business. I have 16 months of car payments, 1-1/2 years until I can cash out some retirement and 3 years until I can get a small pension. It's a crap shoot if I make it that long. In the meantime, I'll have to put more energy into my own business than into my day job. Tant pis.