THE BEST OF TIMES, THE WORST OF TIMES

Cry baby cry
Make your mother sigh
She's old enough to know better
So cry baby cry

Would you want this little girl to be mad at you?

So families change and grow and learn, sometimes the hard way.

For people who have never been through a married couple's breakup, they think the initial split is the end of it. They don't realize it is only the beginning of what could be 18 years of emotional and legal difficulties.

My 3-year old granddaughter knows something is very, very wrong but she doesn't know what. Her mom has told her nothing. Last week I told the girl that her daddy was staying at my house to help me. She was skeptical. This week I told her Daddy is staying at Gaga's house so Mommy and Daddy won't fight. This, she understood. And it's the truth. She seemed relieved to be told.

Why do adults think children don't understand things? When I ask my four-month old grandson where his sister is, his eyes immediately go to her.

So. If my granddaughter follows the pattern of her mom's family history, she will grow up and eventually be furious with her mother once she understands things from an adult's perspective. If she follows their patterns, melodrama and soap opera will ensue and some unbelievably bizarre behavior will result.

I respect their family for coming from a Third World country to America and working hard to make a better life for themselves and their kids. But when families like this continue to behave in the worst Old World ways, the kids will suffer.

My son's job is to stay close to his kids and help and support them so they know he is there for them. My job is to take care of them when I can, help my granddaughter to not think she is to blame for any of this, and to teach her the highest self-esteem possible. My job is also not to blame anyone in front of her. I might feel anger, but I encourage her to love and respect her Mommy and that side of the family. I will also encourage her when she is older to think and come to her own conclusions.

RUPTURE

My psuedo-happy family life has been ruptured. If I want to be generous, I can say it's due to the near-sightedness, vindictiveness and selfishness of my daughter-in-law.

Now that you know how I really feel, I'll move on.

My son is back living with me, paying off debts, continuing grad school and we are working to hammer out legal visitation with my grandchildren.

Of course I want to throttle the kids' mother for making certain decisions, and her large family who played a huge part in this breakup. But I do believe that what we do comes back to us in time. And the most important thing now is to stay close with my three-year old granddaughter who has been shattered by this situation. I will bite my tongue, smile when I don't want to, and spend as much time with the child as possible, even among mine enemies.

And hopefully in time, enemies we will be no more. We can always hope.

I was just getting my Ebay house clearance up and running, just starting to write again, and as usual with the in-laws, something exploded.

But this explosion is final, hopefully or will be soon. And then my contingent can have a routine that allows my son and myself (and the girl) some stability and peace.

Trust, like glass, doesn't break on its own. It takes an act of will for it to be broken and once shattered, it cannot be repaired, only replaced.

EBAY WOMAN

After 9 hours at work, I go home and enter the Ebay universe. My house is a forest of boxes and I am determined to clear all of it, one way or another. And once it's gone, it will really be gone.

Luckily the weather is good. Here's the view from my "computer window". Since our office has no windows (!) [we call it "the Prison"] I keep on my computer screen a live webcam from LBL on the hill overlooking Berkeley.



The weblink is http://sv.berkeley.edu/view/


Sunshine at last.

I think I might add to my "window" a North Pole webcam:

http://psc.apl.washington.edu/northpole/LatestPhoto.html

EBAY ZOMBIE

Oh my god. I have been moving all my STUFF from my storage space, sorting it, and re-storing in a new, improved storage "room" that I've rented with my grown son.

I need storage space and he needs a study space. So we have rented a room and I'm trying to get rid of everything I don't need. Tossing it or selling it on Ebay.

I used to sell on Ebay a lot. I forgot how much work it is. My ex-possesions will go to good homes, to people who want them and even pay money for them.

It's 2 a.m. and I'm half-asleep. Time for bed.