THE BEST OF TIMES, THE WORST OF TIMES

Cry baby cry
Make your mother sigh
She's old enough to know better
So cry baby cry

Would you want this little girl to be mad at you?

So families change and grow and learn, sometimes the hard way.

For people who have never been through a married couple's breakup, they think the initial split is the end of it. They don't realize it is only the beginning of what could be 18 years of emotional and legal difficulties.

My 3-year old granddaughter knows something is very, very wrong but she doesn't know what. Her mom has told her nothing. Last week I told the girl that her daddy was staying at my house to help me. She was skeptical. This week I told her Daddy is staying at Gaga's house so Mommy and Daddy won't fight. This, she understood. And it's the truth. She seemed relieved to be told.

Why do adults think children don't understand things? When I ask my four-month old grandson where his sister is, his eyes immediately go to her.

So. If my granddaughter follows the pattern of her mom's family history, she will grow up and eventually be furious with her mother once she understands things from an adult's perspective. If she follows their patterns, melodrama and soap opera will ensue and some unbelievably bizarre behavior will result.

I respect their family for coming from a Third World country to America and working hard to make a better life for themselves and their kids. But when families like this continue to behave in the worst Old World ways, the kids will suffer.

My son's job is to stay close to his kids and help and support them so they know he is there for them. My job is to take care of them when I can, help my granddaughter to not think she is to blame for any of this, and to teach her the highest self-esteem possible. My job is also not to blame anyone in front of her. I might feel anger, but I encourage her to love and respect her Mommy and that side of the family. I will also encourage her when she is older to think and come to her own conclusions.